Another Post. Another Month, Another Year and we r February

Here I am again. Sorry to all my followers of both my facebook page and my blog. Its been hard to come on here and write. Guess I havent really had it  in me. You think you recover from Borderline personality disorder and then something happens and you go backwards. Its a very frustrating illness. I am under a lot of stress right now. My grandfather has no white blood cells left. So its looking pretty glum for him, he is at risk now of picking up any sorts of infections, illnesses and no defenses against em. He has lukemia by the way for those of you who didnt know.

I have also had a Boyfriend recently but have had issues in that respect as well. A man that encourages you to do things that you dont feel comfortable with doing is no loving relationship instead its abusive. I told him where to go. He came back to me and now hes saying that his residency is not looking like its going to go through and he wants to move in with me have an arrangement give me money in return for residency papers. Hell No. I havent even met u in person and all of a sudden you want me to do this for you. Its ridiculas and I am finally realising that this relationship is one sided and just to make him feel good. I am not wanting to continue investing time in a man who does that its selfish and immature.

I have been extremely down and suicidal. I went for a job but missed out on it due to my past mental health issues. Bpd's cant ever escape their past and it sux. I have been put on the invalids benefit. Yes Work and Income finally see this as a disorder a disablity that you cant get out of, and disabling to everyday functioning. I guess when I went for this benefit though it started to sink in, the reality of my situation and that I am different from the general population who is working and earning their income. I dont think I am ever going to be well enough for fulltime work, I might be but I would be very surprised. Even still I am looking at studying parttime and trying to improve my prospects if I want a job in the future, I will also continue with my volunteer position at Supporting families Wairarapa.

I am looking at moving into a house with a friend of mine, so thats kinda good, just waiting for the owner of the house to go through references and get back to us as to whether we have been successful. Its close to town so can walk up the shops, and wont have to use the car as much. So will hopefully save on petrol. So thats good.

We have had very warm days here, its good in a way for your mood but it gets tiring having to change cos you stink so bad from sweat. Sometimes I can go through two outfits in a day. I have had to do a hell of a lot of washing.

Dads just bought a pool table. Hes rapped so will see how much he plays pool when it arrives.

anyway gonna go feeling yuck today have had nasty virus for the last few days. I am glad its nothing more serious but my body needs to rest and recooperate.

Talk Later


Tasha