Trying to get thru

I'm back to the blog. It's helpful I must admit to put my thoughts down on paper. I've been avoiding a lot of people recently, and twitter and Facebook only for the sake that I don't wanna appear like the girl always with issues. Guess it is pride. Also I haven't been able to really come to terms with the fact that I am going to lose my grandfather in the not too distant future, from leukemia. He has had a great life he is 85 years of age but it doesn't make it any easier to accept that one day he is not going to be around.  I've kept to myself regarding my feelings but the other night I felt like I was going to explode so I rang a helpline and it was comforting to have someone still the other end of the phone to talk to.  I thoroughly recommend this service if ever you need to talk to someone, and get some things off your chest.

It's been very hard that a friend of mine blocked me on twitter. I understand the reasoning behind it. But it feels like a rejection.  This is another thing that I've found very difficult to accept. As well as the  pain of a package going astray in the mail and not being compensated for it. This was  hard to accept still haven't got there with level of acceptance.

I have restarted writing my book, my story living with borderline personality disorder from a perspective of hope. Hopefully this will occupy my mind and allow me to think of positive things.

I am trying to change the health services here in the Wairarapa and campaigning for the sake of the little man, the consumers of mental health services who are not taken seriously enough and given the care they require.


 I have looked at other treatment options to get my life on track and avail myself of the dbt programme that my condition responds to as a therapy. I am looking Into the treatment facility Takaka in Golden Bay in the South Island. At present I am going through the referral process for getting into their programme. I'm sorry but I had given up on the system I had waited for dbt treatment for a year, and this year was accepted into the outpatient dbt programme with a group in the Hutt once a week and work with psychologist, but I was disappointed to have the course changed to several dates including January, February, and then April, and then I heard that the programme wasn't happening as the lady who took the programme had moved to Australia,   This programme has been a long time coming but I believe when it finally happens it will be good to get this treatment. It hopefully will change the course of my life and make things easier to cope with.


At present I am stuck with some sort of virus which is not ideal and hope to get rid of it ASAP stuck in bed today, feeling yuck, and yes that affects your mental health when your physical health is rubbish as well.

The weather is rubbish as well.

I have some good news.  I'm going to Aussie in 5 weeks time for two weeks.   Not really as a holiday just to see family and help them out, and see my grandfather if he is still alive.

If you have any tips on dealing with the grief process I would be interested to know.

Any feedback as to what has helped you recover from death of a loved one.


Thanks for reading.


Tania