First Entry Welcome to the club BPD.

Hi Guys


On the outside you may think I am normal that I am just like any other 29 year old girl, I am bubbly I am attractive, I am friendly, you may think my life is easy. Far from it I have a condition called Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar disorder. It is an uphill battle to sometimes get through the day.

I have started this blog to help others who suffer with a mental illness and to also help myself by venting some stuff, and getting stuff out in the open. Its a good release to write your thoughts down or type them, suddenly they leave your head and end up on the paper instead.

 This is my first post in this blog but definately not my last, it is so difficult to live with a mental illness I get that, I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar and the daily struggle is so tiring but it is not impossible. Take advantage of all the resources available to you to get yourself better. There are support groups in your community, such as supporting families, and other womens centre groups. There are specific apps for your iphone, books that you can download to your kindle all to help you in the struggle.
I have a special playlist for when I am depressed that i can turn on, on my computer that way I always have some positive thoughts playing in the background, when you listen to the words you can really feel the sentiment. Try and think over those words, sometimes you have to play the songs over and over again till it hits home that the message is really important.

There is a great show called the nutters club on Maori Television on a friday night at 10:30pm and a show on radio live on a sunday night at 8pm.
Both of these shows I really recommend. Every week there is a new guest speaker who shares their stories of how they recovered from mental health issues. You can always take something from the show in the way of recovery principles and applying them to your life and your condition.
With the nutters club show on a sunday night Mike King and David Codyre a psychiatrist talk to a guest or sometimes just get people to ring in and share their stories of coping with mental illness, and recovering from such. There are a range of different callers some who are coping well with life and others that need a bit of a helping hand. The show is the Nutters show, and there are comments presented on the facebook site as well. The nutters club facebook page. I really recommend this show. Sometimes all thats needed is to get something off your chest when you ring, and you feel so much better for doing so.

Following on from that the nutters club facebook page has a number of lovely pictures and affirmations that are posted, on the page daily. So you always have a bright positive thought for the day, that really helps when you are suffering with a mental illness. I can also recommend some more different pages, there are support groups on facebook all you need to do is look for them. One for every issue that you are facing almost. I was quite surprised when I looked around as to how many pages of support were actually available to us as people with issues. We are never alone if you think you are alone you are mistaken because there is always someone around who is willing to lend a hand if needed. That is a comforting thought when you live life with issues that sometimes get the better of you and get your spirits down at times.

It is good if we can take a moment and take a look at the bigger picture and the perspective that others see of us, who we are in their eyes. All of our skills, our attributes, all of the things that make us special to our friends and family and people we meet in our day to day lives. It is hard to see this when we are wrapped up with our own problems. But I think it is important that we try to see what can only be told to be the truth of the matter that we are valuable to someone, we are loved, we are admired, someone needs us around. I consider this briefly as just recently I had the experience of being in a space where I have had to think of my friends and family more and more as a reason to continue on this planet. But I cannot imagine and would not want to imagine the emptiness they would feel if I wasnt here, I am my parents only daughter, my brothers only sister, I have a responsiblity to fight BPD and Bipolar to the bitter end, and sometimes that may mean some of my friends and family having to fight the war for me, as you can be quite uncontrollable at times with your moods and emotions. Today is Suicide awareness day and I went on the suicide shatters website and saw picture after picture of individual who are no longer here but had so much promise, and so much that they could of achieved, they all died too soon. Some only in their teens. No matter the pain that this illness inflicts on me I hope that being a statistic of that is not in my future. How many of us cannot say that we have nothing to give cos we all do have something to achieve in life and do, we all have a purpose even though sometimes we do not realise our purpose because our mind is so clouded with emotion or drugs, or medication or whatever the story is. Just something to keep in mind bloggers. How many of us have achieved what we wished we would whilst we were on the earth.
I dont know all the answers, I am trying to work them out for myself and slowly hopefully I will find them.

Many of us just seek an end to our pain and heartache, that is the truth of it, but yet by taking our lives we are ironically inflicting pain and heartache on the ones who are closest to us, and having to pick up the pieces. Just food for thought being suicide awareness day. I just want to do a shout out to all the ones who were in so much pain that they gave up the struggle of life, I dont know your reasons for giving up but you are all in our memories. Suicide is a really sad prospect so try to do your best to not inflict that upon the ones you love no matter how much pain you yourself might be in, round the corner there could be better days if we hang in there and give it a try.  I am no one to speak on this as I always have thoughts of ending it all, but I guess sometimes talking about the pain of suicide can stop us from making it a reality in our families and our lives. We have to get the issue out in the open and appreciate that it does happen more than it should and such a waste of lives that could of been long and full of wonder and life. Some of these ones have not married, have not had children, have not had grandchildren etc. is that what life is about, giving up at the first sign of pain and trouble. We need to be stronger than that guys. Dont let yourself be bullied into ending it all, not worth it!

anyway getting tired so gonna sign off for the night. food for thought for all the bloggas

Tash.